I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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