When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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