they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
