Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ttyl tear gas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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