The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
