Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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