Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
