Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
