can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
