what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How does one acquire holy water?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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