I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
