The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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