I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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