All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
