If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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