she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
