well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
