I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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