He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
