i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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