I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
