the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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