I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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