I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
