thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
