So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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