Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
