Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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