You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
