All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
