whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
