well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
