Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
