He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
