Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
