I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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