wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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