Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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