dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
