mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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