I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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