he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize