i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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