I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
