Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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