Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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