I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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