Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize