my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize