I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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