Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
