I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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