How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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