I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
