Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
