I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
