I'm jealous of your bromance
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
