The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
