I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
