Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can I color on your dick again?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
