I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
