Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
