Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
