I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
