apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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