I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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