dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
